“Fuck Off, Ohio”
Something Awful has named the three states that shouldn’t be allowed to vote. Florida is obviously number one but Texas surprisingly takes over Michigan’s spot at number two. Ohio is number three:
3. Ohio
Ohio isn’t plagued with the repellent politics or grandiose incompetence of my other two picks, but it earns its place on this list for its consistent tendency to edge its way into a pivotal position in national politics, and then to charge enthusiastically in the wrong direction, dragging the rest of the country along with it like a four year old dragging an irritated parent to buy some stupid toy that the kid won’t even like once he gets it.
The 2004 presidential elections came down to their working-class white asses, and we all know how that turned out. More recently, they made the bold decision to string out an interminable primary process that has literally already been mathematically decided in favor of the other candidate. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. A video game is only as entertaining as its most boring escort mission. A country is only as strong as its ability to tell Ohio to fuck off.
Fuck off, Ohio.
